7 Selfish tips that could save your Relationship

7 Selfish tips that could save your Relationship.

1. Get to know your own selfishness. Challenge old beliefs; embrace new innovative concepts so that you are empowered by your Selfish Self. Selfish is being self-interested, so be interested in yourself.

2. Give yourself and your partner permission to truly be honest with your thoughts and feelings about what you and your partner’s selfish wants are in the relationship. Honor your partner for who they are. Don’t expect them to be like you or think like you, they are not you, but remember that they are important to you.

3. Never put down or criticize your partner for expressing what their own selfish desires, dreams and aspirations are. The Selfish Self in you would never want to hurt or harm anyone that you love and admire.

4. Acknowledge, admire and respect your partner’s importance and acknowledge that they are significant to you. You wouldn’t be accommodating your Selfish Self requirements if you were emotionally investing into a relationship and didn’t respect and admire the partner that you chose.

5. Remember that you don’t ‘need’ your partner to make you happy, so you shouldn’t expect that it is their duty to do so. Become empowered by nurturing and working towards achieving your own selfish desires and happiness.

6. Don’t depend on your partner to rescue you from your own fears and insecurities in the relationship. If you have personal issues that are causing problems in the relationship seek professional help. Don’t blame your partner for not being able to fix you and eliminate your problems.

7. Create a Selfish Self framework that you and your partner can work from. Share and discuss the new innovative philosophies and how you apply them into other areas of your life. And remember, when you see your partner living their Selfish Self dreams the rewards are mutual.

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7 tips to Empowering Selfishness •

7 tips to Empowering Selfishness

• Embrace and celebrate The Selfish Self. Give yourself permission to focus on what will bring you genuine happiness and success in your life. Practice this everyday, until it becomes your new mind set.

• Be proud of your self-interest and acknowledge that you are the centre of your universe. Share your thoughts with people that you trust and will respect and admire your selfishness.

• Don’t allow guilt to over shadow your dreams and aspirations. Strive towards becoming who you truly want to be.

• Challenge old ingrained beliefs that being selfless and self-sacrificing is admirable. This will only lead to feelings of unworthiness and resentment.

• Acknowledge that being selfish is not always about putting yourself first, it is about broadening your view of your entire life and looking at the things that bring you the greatest rewards.

• Recognize that being charitable, kind, loving and compassionate are all part of your true Selfish Self. Sharing and caring for people that are important to you can bring some of the greatest pleasures, joys and rewards into your life.

• Remember, your true innate selfishness is always trying to make your life better, not worse! If your life is not what you want it to be, take responsibility for the choices you have made and move on. It is never too late to start striving towards creating a happy and fulfilling life.

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Empowering Selfishness

Empowering Selfishness

By Helen Owen

Don’t let your dreams, opportunities and ambitions slip away because of archaic beliefs that bring ‘selfish’ is bad. To gain personal empowerment we must learn to embrace our true selfish nature so that we can focus on creating the life that we truly desire.

A healthy selfishness is the powerful driving force that motivates us to strive for what ever we want in our lives. Do you know what you want in your life? Do you know what will make you happy?

People are struggling to find happiness in their lives, careers and relationships because over time it has been ingrained into our belief systems that we must not think of ourselves as overly important, we must not be selfish or self-centered and we should always put other people’s needs before our own. In fact, the concepts of being selfless and self-sacrificing have become admirable traits, especially for women. This type of faulty and destructive thinking has caused people, especially women; to become confused about what is an acceptable level of self-interest and how to down play their own self indulgent desire to strive for happiness and success.

In our modern world you have the right to want to feel worthy, confident and self assured that you are striving towards a happy and rewarding life. Adhering to old dogmatic beliefs that being selfless and self-sacrificing is womanly, admirable and expected will eventually leave you feeling unworthy and resentful.

To curb the rising populous of young women in our society with low self-esteem, poor self-worth, depression, and lack of motivation and interest in life, it is vital to challenge primitive and destructive beliefs that being selfless is admirable and that being self-sacrificing is praiseworthy.

For you to become empowered, not only by what you achieve but for who you truly are, you must embrace and celebrate your inherent selfishness. The truth is that we are all innately selfish, but we have had to suppress and hide this side of us because of the condemnation and character assault that being called selfish entails. Nature intended us to be selfish. We all have a ‘Selfish Self’ which is the driving life-force that motivates you to strive towards attaining physical and emotional rewards. Mother Nature has armed you with a very powerful driving force ‘The Selfish Self’, which historically had been used for survival. But now as a result of evolution and people’s successful fight for equality, the same driving force can be called upon to strive towards achieving greatness and success for everyone.

Genuine happiness and empowerment comes from being connected to your own Selfish Self. This gives you a reference point to ‘check in’ on how you are feeling about your career, your relationships and your life and motivate you in implementing the changes you need to create a more rewarding life.

True selfishness is about gaining the most out of your life and that includes sharing, caring, respecting and admiring people who are important to you. It makes no sense to The Selfish Self in you to want to hurt, harm, criticize or demean the people that are significant and vital to your own happiness.

Empowering The Selfish Self in you is the key to creating a more joyous and rewarding life.

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Three tips on:

How travel can heal your broken heart

• After a relationship break up plan a trip to give you something exciting to look forward to where you can experience new places and people. Don’t use the trip to make you ex-partner jealous or think that they will miss you and want you back. These are just emotional games to get a response form your partner. Emotional warfare will never heal your broken heart.

• Take a trip to somewhere that has a personal interest to you. Research your destination and organize things to do that you know you will enjoy. Remember, the trip is to nurture your Selfish Self, not to mope around in a different environment and feel sorry for your self. A melancholy attitude never healed any broken heart and it will certainly ruin your time away.

• While you are away enjoy getting to know new and interesting people on a plutonic level. Don’t try to heal your broken heart with a new found love as a replacement. The Selfish Self in you knows that you need to heal your broken heart by nurturing your inner self, not by instantly falling in love with the first person that tells you all the right things that you want to hear.

About the Author

Helen Owen is the Director of Erudite Choices –

Innovative Counselling and Consultancy Services.

To make an enquiry visit www.eruditechoices.com.au

Or call 0415 392 009

To find out more about The Selfish Self concepts, you can purchase the innovative new book ‘Get Selfish, Get Happy’, by Helen Owen. Available in all good book stores or visit www.theselfishself.com

Do you look to your partner to tell you that you are worthwhile?

Do you look to your partner to tell you that you are worthwhile?

A tragic part of our history has been that we have looked to our partner to validate our self worth. It seems that we have embraced the ‘love culture’ that tells us that true love is defined by how our partner makes us feel. Our television shows, movies and songs all portray that without having a partner in our lives then it is not possible to truly find our selves. When we hear sayings like, our partner makes us feel whole; that we are nothing without our partner; or that life is not worth living without our partner, we are giving up our own personal power. We have a ‘love culture’ that encourages us to give up who we are and hand over all of our own self worth to our partner and to the relationship to prove the depth of our love.

For our relationships to become meaningful and rewarding we can not embrace the romantic concept that we are not whole and complete without our partner. This will only lead to a dependency of validation from our partners. No body should 'need' a relationship to make them feel whole and worthwhile.

Do you need your partner to tell you that we are beautiful? Do you need your partner to tell you that you are a great lover? Do you need your partners to tell you that you are handsome? Do you need your partner to tell you that you have done well? Do you rely on your partner to tell you that you are good enough?

We shouldn’t need anyone to confirm what we should already know about ourselves.

In a healthy relationship we share compliments with our partner because we enjoy the feelings of being complimented and admired. However we do not feel good or rewarded if we continually have to prop our partner up because they are needy of attention and dependent on the relationship to create a sense of worthiness.

A well grounded autonomous person understanding the concepts of ‘The Selfish Self’ does not look to their partner to provide them with self worth and make them feel good about themselves. It is not your partner’s responsibility to continually keep propping you up to make you feel good about who you are.

How you feel about your self should always be in your control. Only you have the ability to create the person that you want to be. Only you can gain confidence and a sense of self worthiness. Once you give away the power of how you feel about your self to another person in a relationship they can use that power to sometimes make you feel good, but then they also have the power to make you feel unworthy and undesirable.

In a healthy relationship we must all understand the importance of 'The Selfish Self' because it keeps us in check to see if the relationship is being rewarding or toxic. In a healthy relationship no body should ever look to their partner to be source of their self esteem and self worth. In a healthy and loving relationship people should encourage autonomy and independence as this personally evolves and develops the individual and the relationship.

It is important for everybody wanting a happy and successful relationship to understand that no matter how much 'in love' you think you may be, no partner or relationship is worth giving away who you truly are and who you want to become. That is not being in love, that is being in an emotional jail.

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Why did Tiger Woods cheat...repeatedly?

Why did Tiger Woods cheat.....repeatedly?

by Helen Owen

In my last blog I wrote about why people cheat in their relationships and basically it is because they can get away with it. Yes....that means both men and women...it is an unfortunate truth that women having affairs and cheating on their partners is on the rise......Ahh but that is another blog....

So then why would a man who has everything that he can possibly desire...fame, fortune, a beautiful wife and children want to have a string of affairs. Well, the reality is that only Tiger Woods would really know, but I wonder given all the professional helpers and experts he has on his team does he really understand his own 'Secret Self'?

The 'need' and or 'desire' to have an affair can have a strong hold on anybody, especially athletes.....because it is chemically induced.

Elite sports persons thrive on adrenaline and excitment. They enjoy the feelings associated with the stress and challenge of competition. When competeing the body creates Norepinephrine which is both a hormone and a neurotransmitter. As a hormone, secreted by the adrenal gland, it works alongside epinephrine / adrenaline to give the body sudden energy in times of stress, known as the "fight or flight" response. These same chemicals are responsible for athletes to be highly driven to success because it 'feels good'. This is the elite performers own innate motivational system. They like the feelings and emotions created by the body's own chemical laboratory when competing and doing well. So when something feels so good they want to duplicate the situations to get the same chemical hit. It is easy to see how athletes unknowingly become addicted to the very potent, powerful adrenaline type chemicals. And in Tigers case sabotaging his own success.

So then, why did Tiger Woods cheat?

Having an affair creates the same adrenaline type chemicals in the body. The excitement of having illicit sex, produces the same type of chemistry and sense of personal power and accomplishment as winning a major tournament.

It's not just about the 'sex'. The euphoric feelings of orgasm, secrecy, promiscuity and the freedom associated with rebellious behaviors creates stronger feed back loops to the brain that adds to the chemical 'feel good'. Once this has been experienced the desire to get those feelings again can be very enticing.....and in Tigers case the addiction to the 'feelings' were worth taking the enormous risks.

Unfortunately, the Tiger Woods scenario is not unique. It is common to see athletes and people that thrive on adrenaline filled achievement and goals to seek the same if not greater chemical hits in other areas of their lives. These people often turn to recreational drugs and or gambling that can mimic the feelings associated with their sporting endevours.

It must be a terrible place for Tiger and his family to have to deal with the situation. Yes infidelity is the outcome, however people need to understand what drives them to have affairs in the first place so that they can make choices based on intellect, morality and integrity not on chemical based urges.

What are your thoughts?

Why do people CHEAT in a Relationship?

Why do people CHEAT in a Relationship... fidelity the silent assumption.

by Helen Owen

People cheat on their partners because they know that they can get away with it. That is why it is part of their Secret Self.

If they know they would get found out, and or knew that there would be hefty consequences, they wouldn’t do it.

For example, in my relationship consultancy I always use the million dollar argument. If a person is adamant that they will never cheat in their relationship, I then ask them if they would be prepared to put in writing that they would pay one million dollars into a bank account that they would lose if they ever cheated on their partner. Most people have said no, they wouldn’t.

Why not if you have promised to be faithful? What then is the problem?

The problem is that people do not have enough personal integrity or moral strength of character within themselves to confidently make a promise that they will never cheat on their partner.

Society has become complacent in that no one is prepared to explore the defining character traits of a potential partner that would build the foundations of a strong and healthy relationship. Character traits that define a man or a woman’s moral strengths and virtues have been over looked or perhaps not even considered.

In today’s modern world we are convinced that romantic ideology and uncontainable affection for a person is what will determine a happy and successful relationship. Romantic ideology will not ensure a successful relationship.

Romance is a by product of a happy and successful relationship. Romance should be enjoyed and cherished as part of a relationship, but it should never be considered the foundation.

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